Why NOT me?

A few months ago I was visiting with a neighbor that stopped by. She said something that has stayed in my mind, as we were discussing a mutual acquaintance, she said nothing like that would ever happen for me. It was about how this person had upgraded houses. As she was saying those words I didn’t say anything but inside my head I was thinking just the opposite, if it can unravel that good for that person surly it will happen for me. In my opinion that is what FAITH IS ALL ABOUT. To the outside world looking in, of course it seems impossible , however the longer I live the more I’m convinced you have to see it in your imagination long before it occurs. I too used to be that girl whenever something bad happened would get discouraged and ask “why me”? If this is all my life is about why do I even exist? These days it’s “why NOT me”? I think yep if they did it, so can I. It’s a refreshing attitude and a better approach knowing that someday I will have that thing. Some may view this as me living with my head in the clouds but I view it as mountains. I can climb that mountain, or I can say to that mountain fall knowing it will crumble one stone at a time until the avalanche hits and BOOM it’s gone. In the past I’m not going to lie I would look at people and think it’s not fair for them to have exactly what I want, I’m more deserving, I work harder, I’m a better person and so on. Yeah that’s didn’t work so well and I was obviously green with envy. I’ve since decided green is not a good color on me so I don’t do that anymore. I love seeing all my friends happy and well and think one day I too will be living in bliss. Until that magical day arrives I will continue looking up at the mountains ready to take action for climbing or running away from falling rocks. Either way I know I’m not sitting around in self pity wondering “why me”. It’s a great day go out and enjoy it.

“And He said to them, “Because of the littleness of your faith; for truly I say to you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move; and nothing will be impossible to you.” Matthew 17:20

Advertisements

Let it go

I’m was reminded last night that although my little cow pony handles pastures and cows at a high rate of speed, she a country girl. I love this about her. When she’s in town at a barrel race she’s a little intimidated. I can relate to this feeling. During my first entry we failed big time. Um for starters the alley way was way scary and she balked… as we approached all three barrels she noticed the terrifying banners and pretty much refused all three turns. I coaxed her around them thankfully without injury. At one point I thought I would have her spank her a bit just to make the turn then I figured she would associate punishment and resent the pattern so I didn’t and we managed turtle speed but we made it through. After every 5 runs they drag the arena with tractors so we used that time to walk in and just see the banners wouldn’t kill us. I had 61 runners before us to doubt why I was even there. My self recrimination started and I did not want to go back in that arena and make a total fool of myself. As she was nickering at the other horses I warmed her up doing circles and bending and flexing and it also calmed me down. Thankfully nerves didn’t get the best of me and we managed to go a little faster and didn’t pause so much this time. When I came out the timer wasn’t working and I was hoping to get to do it over. I knew without a shadow of a doubt we would do great the next time. Unfortunately they had a back up timer so that was out but I left knowing we conquered yet another challenge and we were both better than when we got there. I’m not about to give up on his venture even though I realize she is not the fastest horse and we have a long way to go before we start winning. I am constantly having to push negative thoughts out my mind but I will continue to do it.

I think back to where I was five years ago, I wasn’t even riding horses again. Now I have my confidence back astride this little country girl. As I am thinking ahead to the next five years I can see opportunities unfolding I never thought would exist for me, and I am so excited to live them out. What plans does your future hold?

“For freedom did Christ set us free: stand fast therefore, and be not entangled again in a yoke of bondage.” Galatians‬ ‭5:1‬ ‭

Accountability

I’m really focused and balanced if I know I’ve committed myself to something. When I’m not committed not so much. For example I have been very strict with my barrel training simply because I know Connie will be waiting for me to get there. I’m not going to lie I’m no where ready for competition but I literally paid my dues so I’m in. Once money was put out there I’m in it. Just because I am not ready does not give me a free pass. After careful consideration I knew that I easily could put it off another 6 months and then those months would morph into years and I would still be at ground zero. Having the horses away from me oddly makes me more determined drive out and get them ride. I know someone is counting on me therefore my excuses won’t fly. That’s my accountability and is working thus far. Can I tell you I know if it was just me here I would find excuse after excuse not to go ride. Whether it be the heat, the chores that need done, my aching body the list is endless, so I’m glad I have those boundaries and at the end of each day I do feel accomplished. Being a single chic it’s easy not to have a set regiment. I’ve gotten pretty dang independent over the past few years and if I don’t want to do something I don’t. But the catch-22 here is putting off something I really want simply because it’s easy to stay in my own comfortable bubble I’ve carved out. Throw some accountability in the mix and all of a sudden my bubble just imploded and I’m ready to seize the opportunities afforded to me. Funny how it works huh? So if your not that person that goes after things easily find some form of accountability to hold yourself to and give it a try. You got this!

“Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another” Proverbs 27:17

Hard Reset

When I had a swimming pool the work was so hard keeping it clean and sanitary. The Oklahoma wind and dirt was relentless to keep it vacuumed and the ph levels perfect. One night you could have the bluest water only to wake up to green algae. Talk about frustrating! While I may miss the invigorating cool dips in the pool I DO NOT miss the work that came with the benefits. I’ve intentionally focused my efforts on cleaning up my yard. I enjoy seeing the improvements knowing the work is paying off. After two days of replacing the top deck boards and countless hours of sanding the old stuff off I’m still unable to seal it because I want it too look great, I’m not rushing the process. However yesterday in the practice pen, the results were undesirable and I took it very hard. My horse worked great but I want instantaneous results and that is unrealistic. I had to step back and tell myself more slow work is needed before I ask for speed. While trying to wrap my head around that concept I stepped onto another horse and nonchalantly proceeded to cool down the one I had just worked by leading her while I was riding the other one. I’ve done this many times before. No big deal, everyone was chill UNTIL the one I was leading shook the reigns out of my grasp. They inadvertently went right under the horses tail I was riding. Not an ideal situation since I was riding in a bigger slicker saddle. Reality check as the horse I was riding kicked up his heels and I woke up quickly! Luckily I was able to get the reigns untangled and he settled down fast. The thing is I was having a little pity party doubting all the work I put into barrel racing and I let it spiral quickly. I lost my focus and essentially put myself and both horses in a dangerous position. That’s on me. In life things come up against us all on daily basis. It’s up to us all as individuals how we deal with the situations. I’ve gotten better at navigating bad ones but occasionally I slip and have to be reminded to reset my focus. Today is a new day and my frame of mind is better. I believe we all new an occasional hard reset and to be grateful things aren’t always rainbows and butterflies. Sometimes we have to walk through the mud, run through torrential rains and withstand strong wind gust but we must not forget it makes us stronger. If our phones need to be hard reset every so often how much more do we need it? An amazing day is waiting for you so reset and go find it!

“For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work” James 3:16

Fitting Together Perfectly

I love building puzzles and so do my kids. It’s a great way to spend time together while expanding your brain’s function. Baylee picked this one out for us to do. As she was leaving for her night out, she warned me not to work on it. Do you know how hard it was for me to not continue on without her? Let me tell ya I had to walk out of the room, I couldn’t stay in there, knowing I would cave in and have it altogether when she returned. 😂🤷‍♀️. There is something intriguing about locking the correct piece into the proper place. After you find several you want to keep that momentum up and to full speed ahead. I find that my life goes much this way. Sometimes I feel as annoyed by life as that jigsaw puzzle.. First having to flip all the pieces over, then sorting out the edges, which by the way I hate that part. To be honest I was getting quite irritated at Baylee when I was doing that part and she skipped to working on the inside! (I’m sure I had the eye rolling going on at her, but I stuck to the course and she finally got back in track)! As I’m venturing out into barrel racing I don’t necessarily want to slow work and get the pattern correct, that’s very boring I want to go fast! However I do know that fast and full of mistakes now will mean much slower times when it counts, at the barrel race I’ve entered, so I am content with getting the pattern down correct and working on my own body position as well as my horse’s game spot on. As I worked on the puzzle last night I realized that this past week things have started lining up without me having to force anything. I was telling Jacey how things were falling into place without my knowledge even. One good phone conversation had my mind and heart soaring off into some high places. People I don’t even know are working on things that are in my future, thanks to a few people that do know and love me. The scripture, “Be still and know that I am God“,Psalm 46:10, rang out in my heart for sure. I guess sometimes when I get overwhelmed with life in general or big goals, it’s like unwrapping a new boxed puzzle and flipping all the pieces on the table. It looks overwhelming and I’m a bit frazzled by the process. I want to just dive in and start connecting things at that very minute. When I decide to start a goal it’s usually something I’ve contemplated for a while, and by this point anticipation is surrounding me. This is when I know it can make or break the whole deal. Back to the puzzle reference if I start forcing the tiles where they don’t belong because I want to hurry the puzzle will come out wrong, and so will my endeavor. Maybe this was a little deeper than you imagined as you started reading about a puzzle but that’s how my mind fits it’s pieces together. I hope everyone is enjoying their summer thus far, I know I sure am.

Let your ❤️ lead ya!

I’ve been super clear for the past year I’ll be the supporter of my friend Connie’s barrel racing dreams but I’m not doing it! I’ve lied to everyone BUT mostly myself. My mind kept saying, “your too old, you don’t own a horse, you’ve got no horse trailer, and let’s face it this sport is expensive!.. ” I’m a single teacher I can’t do this, on and on the excuses poured out of my mouth. The people that truly know me and heard these lies all knew that I was in complete denial, but they didn’t call me out. Two weeks ago at a rodeo I was observing, I leaned into Connie and whispered, “you know I’m going to do this with ya, don’t you?” She grinned and said yes I know. After all she has pretty much given me free reign over her mare for the past three years. In these three years that little mare and I have rounded up cattle, literally climbed the mountains of eastern Oklahoma and bonded. I can honestly say I have no fear of her what so ever. Yesterday I bit the bullet and became a member of the National Barrel Horse Association. We hauled the ponies to the Gracemont arena and did some practice drills. I loped the pattern as I was going down the alleyway my mind though “wow this isn’t scary at all, it’s what I spent so many days of my youth doing, it felt so natural!”

When I got home I called Becky and told her my news, I got a bit chocked up when she told me how happy she was that I am finally doing what I what my heart desires. She made me promise to wear my rubber bands to keep my feet secured in my stir ups. I agreed that I would be safe and that was that. It’ll be a hard thing for me to keep my mind quite in the coming weeks! NO MORE EXCUSES. I’m happy to say I’m over the self recrimination. My focus will be to have fun doing what I love. I’m ready to climb a few mountains, focused ahead and excited for the next chapter in my book of life. Is there something in your life you’ve given Up on? I would like to encourage you to re-examine it with actual facts instead of through fears and give it another look through faith filled eyes. Expect it will come together.

And Jesus answered them, “Have faith in God. Truly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and thrown into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will come to pass, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.up because of self doubt? I would encourage you to re-examine the circumstances and give it a chance.

“And Jesus answered them, “Have faith in God. Truly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and thrown into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will come to pass, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours” Mark 11:22-24

Updates

Whether you’re 7 or 70 you know the importance of updates, thanks to cell phones, computers and so on. These devices notifies each of us when a necessary action is required and if handled they continue to work at optimal efficiency, and if left undone will be problematic. We know this an are careful to heed the warnings, right? It would be cool if we had an update alerts built in ourselves to have these “reality checks”.

I can say that over the past few years I have been careful to update my way of thinking, my look, and my home to keep up with the changing times. There was a time when I ignored all the subtle warnings going off all around me though. With a failed marriage behind me hindsight I can see where the warnings were flashing but it was easier to ignore them than to take action. I’m not bringing this up to have a pity party or am I wanting sympathy, only pointing out the obvious. Left unattended these matters cause a spiral effect that usually escalate quite rapidly. The same held true for my body. When I was younger I could eat anything and still remain virtually unharmed. I let the days turn into weeks then morph right into years of this careless pattern only to look in the mirror one day and realize the unrecognizable person I had become. I didn’t become this way overnight and getting back to a happier body took a lot of time and energy. I hate exercising! However I know if I don’t manipulate my back and core muscles before long I can’t function. I know my back and neck will form a strong alliance against me and will simply shut down. NOT GOOD! As I ponder this subject this morning it’s not in a bad place at all, it’s just a reminder to be aware of the signals that are very faint to make a slight adjustment before it becomes so unbearable that there is irreparable damage that can’t be undone. I hope this resonates with you as well to know your not in this alone and that we all have the same struggles and all is well. I hope you have an amazing day whatever it is you’re doing.

“Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm” Proverbs 13:20

Summer Projects

For most people summertime means kicking back and just enjoying downtime. For me it’s finally having the time and energy to get projects done that I’ve put off throughout the school year. I love starting and finishing a project right away. It makes me feel accomplished. I had to swallow my pride and get help from my brother on my deck renovation but we worked through the pouring rain and got the top boards replaced in 2 days! Score one for me. About two years ago I started stripping the old paint of my doors and that project had a less than desirable outcome. It was so tough I quit after a couple of weeks. For the past two years every time I would walk through the doors I would literally get sick to my stomach and berate myself. It made me mad and I would think to myself “come on Lacey, your better than this”! Well I struggled to finish getting the old paint off, that was hard I wanted to quit yet again but I struggled through finished and painting them was a breeze. Can I tell ya how much better it feels? Now when I approach them I have a smile on my face and a bit of a spring in my step? I still have to revisit them and stain the deck but hey I’m on the downhill slide, and couldn’t be happier about that.  True to form I can’t seem to stay on one task without starting yet more projects so I got a ton of screenings and widened the walkway. 

As I’m working it gives my mind a break from all the unnecessary chatter that is usually forming in my brain. Fogging up my creative process and stifling new ideas, sweating and getting out in nature is so therapeutic I would highly encourage it.

As I mentally go through my self imposed checklist list I realize I’m ahead of schedule. I find myself taking inventory of what else needs to be discarded, weeded, tidy upped or replaced. I find myself more relaxed than if I were laying on the beach with a drink in my hand, because let’s face it if I were there I would probably be obsessing over what I should be doing. It’s funny how we all internally process things isn’t it? I realize I have a different approach to life and that’s okay. I don’t try to force my ideas on anyone else, I just know what works for me, and I’m perfectly content doing my own thing. That’s my own definition of living an authentic lifestyle, unwavering my belief system of what it is to live my best life.

Yes this blog is a bit on the long side, but I figured I had some catching up to do, LOL. I hope you all have a great summer thus far. Before we know it the school year will be off and we will all be running around like chickens with our heads cut off, so remember to savor the days ahead. Have a great day everyone weather your working on Netflix and chillin’.

That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. – 2 Corinthians 12:10

Breaking Chains

Once upon a time she listened to all the voices that surrounded her. The people that were too AFRAID to go after their own dreams so they tried to SABOTAGE hers. The people that tried once but let DEFEAT overtake them so they thrust their own fear toward her. The jealous people that were too ENVIOUS of her to dare be happy for her. The people that stay trapped in a MISERABLE situation would throw shade at her, for having the tenacity to get out of the environment because they too wanted the freedom but was UNWILLING to make the soul saving sacrifices.

She embraced the ones that stood beside her and left all others to fly away like dust in the wind.

For she as much as she realized the importance of letting go of toxic people, it’s equally important to hold on to your support system.

As she always knew the value of hard work she somehow forgot to play hard. Thankfully it was reintroduced!!!She also learned the value of listening and learning from a younger generation.Taking time for backroad adventures ignited her soul.

And as she contemplated her future, she smiled knowing the chains that held her back were unshackled forever!

“Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” 2 Corinthians 3:17

Unwritten

Below are some lyrics from Natasha Bedinhfields Song UNWRITTEN

Reaching for something in the distance

So close you can almost taste it

Release your inhibitions

Feel the rain on your skin

No one else can feel it for you

Only you can let it in

No one else, no one else

Can speak the words on your lips

Drench yourself in words unspoken

Live your life with arms wide open

Today is where your book begins

The rest is still unwritten

I really connect with this song, it’s upbeat tempo paired with the powerful words. Throw your arms up to embrace life. Today really is where your book begins, the words are still unwritten. Only you can let it in… and also only you can stop it.

“So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal” 2 Corinthians 4:18